From ‘Victim’ to Over-Staying My Welcome in ‘Overcoming’ to What Comes Next …

3:33 pm Be Heard

The stories we tell ourselves can lift us up, keep us stuck, or lead us forward. Each of us gets to decide.

Boy oh boy.  When I look back at the messages I received from many sources over the years, it astounds me that I have arrived to create what my life is like today.

What are some of the old stories I used to carry around with me?

Some of them are hard to type, let alone speak out loud.

  • “You are dumb, stupid, and have poor judgment.”
  • “I don’t want to hear about that.”
  • “Don’t go farther than can my voice can carry.”
  • “You can’t do that.”
  • “You don’t want that.”
  • “No. We can’t afford that.”
  • “You can’t have more than one of those.  If you get a second one, we are taking the other one back.”
  • “Vacations are for other people.”
  • “You are playing too small and are easy to dismiss.”

Being a life-long over-achiever, I spent decades PROVING these stories wrong.

  • I am deliberate and thoughtful with my decision making.
  • I am an extraordinary listener.
  • I lead teleclasses and webinars that bring my voice to listeners around the world.
  • I can do just about anything I put my mind to.
  • I can name and claim experiences and material items that I want.
  • I choose to invest into the experiences and material items that matter most to me.
  • If I want two of the same thing, that’s fine.
  • Vacations are for me and my family, too.
  • I play the game that is right for me, stay in my own lane without apology, and I won’t be dismissed.

But here is the thing.

I have proven every one of these statements to be true to myself and to others again and again and again.

The trouble is that I have lingered in the PROVING ENERGY to the point of exhaustion.

As I reflected on this, I realized something that was really disturbing to me.

When I succeeded in achieving a big goal, I didn’t celebrate the joy of that accomplishment. I just kept pushing and proving.

That is why a few months ago, I started saying “NO.”

A lot.

I was done DOING FOR OTHERS as a means of demonstrating my value or worth.  Finished.  Complete.

In my rare quiet moments of reflection, I found myself feeling a lot of negative emotions.

At a gut level, I knew those negative feelings were holding me back from stepping up to be the mom, wife, friend, or business owner I wanted to be.  I was BEYOND ready to write a new story for myself.

If you have ever felt stuck in fear, hurt, blame, or despair because life or business isn’t unfolding according to the awesome vision that is unfolding in your head, you know how frustrating, confusing, and worrisome this can be.  And those FEELINGS just keep what you want most and can’t quite describe yet at arm’s length.

So, as I said “NO” to lots of things. I tuned in to my own wishes. I opened up my heart to feel differently about what might be next.

I started taking better care of myself. I released some extra weight and started exercising more. I started setting aside some of the negative judgments I was placing on myself and others.

And guess what?

I started to feel new emotions — like hope, trust, optimism, and a sense of well-being.  And none of those feelings had anything to do with what I had done for others lately. They just started to bloom within my own soul. I started to feel some playful energy come back.  And I am leaning into that with gratitude because it seems as though the ‘mojo’ had gone missing for way too long.

Now, I can declare a day for doing absolutely nothing, and let it be what it will be.

If someone says that a big player is quick to discount this or that about me, I can shrug it off and say, “Who cares that that person thinks” and be completely OK with that.

Believe me. This is an epic shift for someone who has been a classic ‘people pleaser’ and over-achiever all of her life.

The truth is that I overstayed my welcome in my ‘Overcoming Stories’ for way too long.

Today my arms are wide open to what the next phase of my life will be.

With my son officially launched and a devoted husband of almost 29 years by my side to continue my journey, I know at some deep level that the best is yet to come.  The ‘Great Story’ piece of my path is preparing to unfold. I am not attached to what that looks like or what shape it takes. What I know without a doubt is that I’ve got a lot to contribute and plenty of magic to share. Showing up as the best expression of what that is will be my greatest triumph. My arms are wide open to BE THAT. And it will be enough.

If what I have shared today touches your soul, know that I did not make this journey alone.  I studied the Break Through to Your Great Story training created by Leza Danly and Jeanine Mancusi of Lucid Living. 

lezaandjeanine_o I continue to study it and savor it as I move through perhaps the greatest and most personal transformation of my life.

There was something that Jeanine said during a call that touched my heart.  She said, “There comes a time when the burdens of old stories become so great that you just have to set aside that burden.” 

At this season of my life, I was ready to hear that message. I embraced the training to do this important work.  And I continue to do it.  Some of those transitional or imprisoning emotions still creep in.  Of course they do.  I am the author of my own life, and I get to write the next story.   My intention is that it will be a great one.  Time will tell.

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